Tuesday, March 15, 2005

I am not a good pregnant person!

Seriously, this is more than just a title.
I love the idea of being a parent.
I love the idea of helping mold a little human being into a productive, upstanding member of society.
I love the fact that I get to be a teacher, a doctor, a nurse, and a therapist all at the same time.
I love the thought that the man that I love and I, have created someone else... Through both luck and love.
I however, do not love being pregnant.
I keep hearing from people that this is the happiest most joyous time of your life.
I keep hearing that the 2nd trimester is the golden time in pregnancy.
I keep hearing that pregnancy is to be celebrated because it is one of the only things that a women can uniquely celebrate.
What I am not hearing is the reality of it all.
Maybe it is because I am selfish, maybe it is because this was unplanned, maybe it is because I am sick and tired of hearing all the free advice and the "I needs" from various people in my life.
Maybe it is just because I am not a good pregnant person!
I was talking to my bestest friend in the entire world today... Who is coincidentally my pseudo therapist, and I said something and then she re-emphasized it to me...
"This pregnancy does not define me!"
Why then does it feel like it does?
Why is it that when people talk to me that this pregnancy seems to be the only thing that there is to talk to me about?
Last time I checked I was still a human being of relatively high intelligence that managed to carry on intelligent human conversation with other homo sapiens before this pregnancy happened... Guess what, when these conversations happened we talked about things other than babies, pregnancy, labour and various other endless topic of conversation associated with this pregnancy.
What happened to sports, current events, movies and anything else going on in this world.
And why is it when I have a strong reaction to something that my reaction is blamed on hormones or pregnancy. Anyone who knows me, or has for a least an hour, knows that I am one of the most opinionated people around. If it is on my mind I will say it... Guess what this was a fact before I was pregnant! Nothing has changed... Except now I cry more and get frustrated a lot faster.
It is weird, and this may be the selfish part of me rearing it's ugly head, but... I know that this pregnancy is a huge event in a lot of peoples lives, especially family, however the more excited they get, the less excited I get.
Yes granted this is the first grandchild on both sides of the family and I know that everyone is really excited, but I have never been more stressed out by family in my entire life.
I guess the facts are this...
I do not really look pregnant,
I do not really feel pregnant, minus the fact that a number of my clothes are not fitting and the fact that I look like had implants.
I have not heard the heartbeat, and have not felt a kick.
I am sure one day I will look and feel pregnant but right now I just feel like I am missing out on so many things.
My days revolve around making sure that I get enough nutrients, H2O and rest to build a strong and healthy baby. Not to mention trying to keep enough energy for the end of the day to go to the gym to help keep my body healthy and my stress down.
Then on top of all this I try to go to work and just work... Do something that I am really good at, yet the stress of the family, the pregnancy and the fact that everyone feels compelled to talk to me only about this pregnancy makes me less productive and terribly grumpy when I am at the only place that I can conceivable go to, to concentrate on something else.
Thank you to a few of you... And you know who you are.. MW, AH, and CT for talking to me like I am still an intelligent human being. Thank you for supporting me when I am grumpy and thank you for not letting this pregnancy define me.
To everyone else... If you read this and you see me, or talk to me on the phone... Can we talk about something else the next time we meet face to face... It would truly make my day.
Yes I am complaining but it's my blog and I will grump if I want to.


Kristine said...

Good on you. I liked your entry. Just wanted to leave you a msg that I have another site, it's http://spaces.msn.com/members/kristinescorner and it has pictures of my favourite dog on there. Plus I like it more than my other. Hope I see you at the gym again, I lost motivation last week, but I'm looking forward to this week and starting again. Later. Kris

mike said...

you're pregnant? :)

Karen said...

I'm glad to see you haven't mellowed. It's what I can always count on. Leanne saying what Leanne thinks. May I be one to say that I hope you keep that attitude after childbirth. Those of us whose children are grown or those who just don't have any would like to think that the intelligence and wit that we have come to know and love does not disappear with the appearance of diapers and all things baby. It's not that we don't want to know, but we also know you have so much more to say.